I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
