Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
