We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
