You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
