I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
