Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
