My room smells like vodka and shame
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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