wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
