dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
