I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
