LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
