shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
