literally had 100 drinks last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
