I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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