where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
