what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
