ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
