he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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