Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
