Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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