did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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