Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
