tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
