At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize