Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
