he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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