you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
