I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
