I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
