Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
