He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
