I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
