So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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