I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
