i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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