"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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