I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
