peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
