Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
