my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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