mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Damn victory sex feels great
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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