tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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