her vagine was all disorganized.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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