id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
