So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
