I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
