bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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