Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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