you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
