how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
