sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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