i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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