it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
