To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
