ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
