Midget sex pt 2 tonight
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize