I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
