Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
