Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
