she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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