you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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