i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
