If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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