Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
