I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
