not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
