If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
