am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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