i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
