You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
