Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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