dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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