She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
